Jogan  It's A Promise
by fashionnightmare
Summary: A Jogan songfic - Moving Backwards by Ben Rector. All rights go to CP Coulter and Fox. I don't own anything.


**I saw you there  
>And looked you straight between the eyes<br>And said I'm leaving  
><strong>

Julian heard his own words echo through his pulsing head as he stuffed clothes into his already overflowing suitcase.

"_I'm leaving Logan. There's nothing anyone can do to stop me this time; especially you." _

"_Jules –" Logan had extended a hand towards the movie star, but he had only flinched away from it, and Logan felt his heart drop in his chest. "I need you!"_

**And I don't care  
>And I don't know if they were lies<br>But I don't need them**

"_No you don't. Just let me go Logan." He had whispered quietly and brokenly. "You'll never look at me the way I look at you. I just wish I could have told you another way." _

_Julian had walked away without another word, tears spilling down his angular cheekbones as he ran back to Stuart to remove every piece of himself from this school forever. Logan just stood there, his arm still outstretched._

**Cause standing still  
>Isn't easy<br>When the world's moving backwards  
>The world's moving backwards<br>So get your fill  
>But please believe me<br>That the world's moving backwards  
>The world's moving backwards<strong>

As Julian picked up a picture that rested on his desk in an ornate picture frame he absently touched the scar that lay on his cheek. He remembered the pain of the knife digging into the flesh and couldn't help but notice it every time that he looked in a mirror. He shook his head as he threw the picture of him, Derek and Logan in amongst the clothes.

It had been two months. Adam had been buried and was gone from the world. The art building had been rebuilt; it had been renamed the Blumenfeld Hall after Ms Blumenfeld who had been the only one to die in the fire, those who had been injured had spent their time in hospital and were now back to full health.

It was now that Julian thought it was alright to leave. Now that everyone, who had been harmed because of him, were out of hospital and safe.

Julian stood in the middle of his room and turned slowly on the spot, looking at the room that had been his safe haven. He felt nostalgia bubble up within him as the details that had made his room personal to him were gone; it was empty and soulless.

Swallowing the sorrow, Julian spun on his heels and slammed the lid of his case down, the snap echoed in his ears as he lugged it off the bed and stalked from the room, shutting it loudly and finally behind him.

There was no looking back now.

He whipped out his phone and sent a quick text.

_I'm ready._

He dragged his case down the stairs, listening to the crack as it hit every step on the way. Each felt like a stab to the heart. Heads turned and nodded to him as he passed; a silent goodbye.

**And I say  
>So what if they're just stories<br>What if I need them?  
>So I pray <strong>

When the wheels touched the cool marble floor his phone vibrated in his jean pocket.

_I'm waiting._

The caller ID read Kurt Hummel.

* * *

><p>Kurt was sitting silently with Blaine in Kurt's car, out of the downpour when he caught sight of a figure, huddled against the rain, come walking towards them a suitcase in tow.<p>

Kurt leant over and grabbed the umbrella from the backseat, cracking the driver's door open slightly as he opened the umbrella before stepping out under the cover, out of the rain.

He rushed to the back of the car, opening the boot and allowing Julian to lift his case into the car silently.

"Kurt, thank you for doing this." Julian said roughly, pushing his sunglasses back up his nose.

Kurt could easily tell from the timbre of his voice that Julian had been crying; but he didn't say anything, he just nodded before shoving the umbrella in the boot, which he then closed. He rushed back to the drivers' seat, grimacing at Blaine who took his hand gently. After a while, Kurt frowned when Julian didn't get in the car and turned in his seat to see his figure, blurred by the rain streaked windows, his back to the car as he looked at Dalton for the last time.

Julian's hair was plastered to his face and he didn't try to hold back the tears as they fell down his cheeks, soft sobs escaped his lips. Sobs he wished Logan could hear.

**That you'll give me grace if you can hear me  
>That you'll give me grace if you can hear<strong>

He saw the magnolia tree where he and Logan had spent an entire Saturday lying underneath its branches, just talking. He could see through the grand windows of the Orion Hall, where he had watched Logan spill out his feelings by song.

"_If I die young" _

Months ago those words could have been appropriate, but Logan had saved him from death.

Logan saved him; just so he could destroy him quickly afterwards.

That would always be their story.

Julian heard a car door open behind him he didn't move, even when Blaine spoke from behind him.

"Julian?" The warbler said from where he leant out of the car, a concerned look on his face. "Come on, you'll freeze to death if you stand in the rain for any longer." When Julian didn't move he sighed. "Come on, band aid, right?"

Julian laughed hollowly and turned to the car.

Just as Blaine had said.

_Band aid._

Blaine smiled grimly and closed his door. Julian sighed and removed his sunglasses to rub at his eyes. He held the specs loose in his right hand and reached forwards with his left.

Just as Julian's hand was on the door handle he froze.

"JULIAN!"

Julian turned slowly as he saw Logan come streaking across the lawn towards him.

_No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! This can't be happening!_

Julian snapped his head forward just as Logan's footsteps could be heard crunching across the gravel.

Julian pulled the door open roughly, throwing his sunglasses in and trying to jump in after them, just as a strong hand pulled him back and slammed the door shut in his face.

He stood straight, not looking Logan in the eye.

He could see the anger burning in his friend's eyes without even turning his head; his green eyes would drill straight through him. He would be looking at him. But he wouldn't be seeing him.

He felt a soft sob wrack his body.

**Cause standing still  
>Isn't easy<br>When the world's moving backwards  
>The world's moving backwards<br>**

"You can't leave."

Julian whipped his head around so fast that he saw stars for a second. Logan was looking at him heartbrokenly and his voice had cracked when he spoke.

"You can't." He said again; Julian dreamed for a moment that he saw him trying to fight back tears, but rid himself of the thought instantly.

"I can. You can't stop me. Let me go Logan." He wept, his teeth chattering from the cold that had sunk into his very bones.

* * *

><p>In the car Blaine and Kurt watched worriedly, but stayed put. It wasn't their fight.<p>

* * *

><p>"Why can't I at least <em>try <em>to stop you?" Logan pleaded his eyes burning, not with anger, but hurt.

"Because I can't stand being here with you completely ignoring my feelings Logan!" Julian exploded, shoving Logan hard in the chest and watched as the blond stumbled backwards. "I can't stand being here every day as you disregard what I want; what I need. I can't stand seeing you and knowing that you will NEVER feel the way I do!" Julian was beside himself now, shoving and hitting any part of Logan he could get to.

"You jackass! Moron! Asshole! How could you not see?" He screamed.

Logan let him vent, but enough was enough; he was going to say what he had come down here to say.

He grabbed Julian by his leather clad shoulder and shoved him roughly against the side of the large black car.

Julian felt the breath leave his lungs as his body was slammed against the car door. He tried to wriggle away from Logan's strong grip but the taller of the two grabbed his wrists and pinned them against the car door above his head. Julian knew that his actions were going to provoke something like this, but what came next jolted him to his very core.

Logan's soft lips pressed themselves against Julian's.

The movie star froze.

This couldn't be happening.

Julian made a high keening noise in the back of his throat as Logan used Julian's breathlessness to his advantage. He softened the kiss, giving Julian enough room to open his mouth for a breath; then he dived in. He dipped his tongue into Julian's open mouth.

The brunet gasped, and felt his breathing become laboured as Logan's talented tongue explored, he felt it trace the roof of his mouth and his eyes rolled into the back of his head as he moaned blissfully.

Logan pulled his tongue out and murmured hotly against Julian's kiss-swollen lips.

"That's exactly what I needed."

Julian's frenzied heartbeat seemed to freeze in its tracks.

That was the wrong thing to say. He felt as if his heart had been brutally ripped from his chest.

"I'm glad I could be of assistance to you Logan. Now let. Me. Go!" He hissed.

**So get your fill  
>But please believe me<br>That the world's moving backwards  
>The world's moving backwards<br>**

Logan's eyes widened when he realised what he had said.

"No, Jules I didn't—" Logan began frantically.

"Oh shut it!" Julian said wretchedly. "If that's all you need then fine! At least I got something." He whimpered as Logan's grip on his wrists increased.

"I didn't mean to say it like that." Logan said intensely, staring into a pair of brown eyes.

"I know that you don't care for me Logan. So you don't need to pretend in order to cushion my feelings."

Logan didn't fight back against that one, so Julian knew he'd hit the nail on the head.

But, boy, could he have been more wrong.

"Something you said earlier bothered me." Logan said suddenly, he sucked in a breath and kept talking, allowing his words to come out without thought, that way, he would be more honest. "You said that I don't look at you; but I do."

"Yes; you look at me Logan, but you don't _see_ me. There's a difference." Julian was so confused and angry that he didn't realise the way that Logan's body was pressed up against his; nor did he notice Blaine and Kurt quietly exiting the vehicle and running into the nearest building where many Windsor's had gathered to watch the scene unfold before them.

"What makes you think that I don't see you?" Logan whispered.

Julian snorted in disbelief.

"Because if you did then you would have _seen_ that I was always there for you, _no matter what_! And you would have known how I feel for you. But you didn't know Logan! That's how I know that you don't see me." Julian said heatedly, writhing and fighting against Logan's unyielding grip, which only tightened.

Logan paused before speaking.

"Maybe I didn't see you then, but this is now Julian; now is different from then."

"I don't believe you Logan."

"I _do_ see you Julian." Logan insisted earnestly.

"No you—"

"I _see_ how when you're thinking, you nibble on your lower lip. I _see_ how when the light hits your eyes just right they look like molten gold. I _see _how you care more than you'll ever admit; you visited the hospital every day until everyone was discharged — I know that you weren't ill in bed Julian, I _saw _you there – you even paid for everyone's medical treatment, even though what _he_ did, Wasn't. Your. Fault." Logan was rambling now, only pausing to breathe.

Julian hung his head, only to have it rest on Logan's shoulder; he immediately straightened up, not daring to look Logan in the eye.

"If I hadn't—"

"NO!" Logan shouted, shoving Julian harder into the side of the car. He continued more gently. "No. It wasn't your fault Julian, don't you dare even think that. I know you. This is going to eat you up inside unless you have someone tell you every day that it wasn't your fault; so I am telling you, it wasn't your fault! Do you hear me?"

**So I pray that you'll give me grace if you can hear me  
>That you'll give me grace if you can hear me<br>And I pray that you'll give us grace if you can hear me**

Julian nodded slightly; new tears brimmed in his eyes and fresh sobs were beginning to rise up his throat.

"But I—" Julian didn't finish his sentence because Logan's lips descended upon his once more.

This time, he kissed back.

He let Logan's tongue tangle with his as they breathed and felt as one.

Logan's hands moved from Julian's wrists slowly to tangle his fingers with the others'.

"Please don't leave me." He begged in between kisses.

**You'll give us grace  
><strong>

"I have to." Julian worked out. "This could never work Lo." But he still kissed back when Logan, in desperation, deepened the kiss.

**You'll give us grace**

"I know how your weak spot is your neck." Logan said, and to emphasize his point, his lips moved to Julian's neck and began to tease the skin with his tongue and sucked the area around his pulse point. Julian felt his legs give way beneath him as his breathing failed him and he let out a loud moan. But Logan's body pressed up against him kept him upright as his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he squeezed Logan's hand tight.

**You'll give us grace**

Logan removed himself from Julian's neck and kissed him tenderly on the lips before murmuring against them, the vibrations causing pleasure to shoot up Julian's spine.

"I know how, no matter what you felt for me, you always helped me; with Blaine; even with Kurt." Julian blinked once, then twice, when he saw a tear leak from Logan's eye. "You were always there for me, like I wish I could've been there for you." He dropped his gaze to Julian's chest, too ashamed to look him in the eye.

"Don't cry." Julian whimpered as he untangled his hands from Logan's to cup the warbler's face, wiping away the stray tear that had mixed with the rain that tumbled down upon them.

"Stay." Logan raised his eyes and looked though his tear soaked eyelashes at Julian who felt his heart stutter in his chest at the sight.

"Logan—"

"Please." Logan sobbed.

**Cause standing still  
>Isn't easy<br>When the world's moving backwards **

"I love you."

The world seemed to slow right before Julian's eyes as those words left Logan's mouth; those words that were meant for _him_.

**The world's moving backwards**

He pulled Logan by his soaking collar and crashed their lips together.

Their tears mixed with each others as Logan's arms went around Julian's waist and pulled him closer; the heat created between them chased the cold from the rain away. Julian's hands weaved into the blond locks he had been dreaming about for years. He tugged gently on them and Logan moaned deep in his throat.

Their rain slicked skin slid over each other as they kissed passionately, not even hearing the cheers and laughter of the crowd inside. It was just them.

Finally, they came up for breath, their foreheads rested against each other as they breathed the other's air.

"I love you too Lo."

Logan smiled thankfully and happily. The boy in is arms was his, he felt it deep within his bones that this was it. No one he had ever been with had made him feel this way; he could already tell Julian anything, there were no boundaries, that was why they worked. He was _the one_.

"Don't leave." Logan pleaded once more as he caressed Julian's stubbly cheek. "Promise me you won't."

Julian looked into the green eyes of the boy of his dreams and knew that in this moment he wasn't going to run away from something he had been waiting on for years.

"I promise."

Logan smiled at Julian and kissed him once, chastely on the lips before kissing him once on the forehead. He had never been happier.

"This is the best day of my life." Julian voiced quietly, burying his face in Logan's neck.

Logan tightened his arms around the boy as he chuckled happily.

"So far." He corrected.

Julian made a negative noise.

"No, something pretty big is going to have to happen to knock this one from 1st place." He murmured into Logan's skin as he played with the Warbler pin on the prefect's uniform. He barely even noticed the rain anymore.

"I'm going spend the rest of my life with you making each day better than the next." Logan said as he buried his face in Julian's soft hair.

The actor felt his heart leap at that statement and he smiled a watery smile.

"Is that a promise?" He asked as he raised his head, letting the raindrops fall on his face.

Logan's breathing hitched slightly as he looked at Julian. His dark hair was dripping onto his favourite leather jacket, yet his brown eyes seemed to be alight with joy, his diva mask was gone and Logan thought with a jolt that _this_ was the Julian he loved and as he watched Julian drew his bottom lip between his teeth; making him groan in desire.

Julian was watching Logan watch him. Logan's golden hair was pasted to his head by the rain and he had to keep blinking to make sure that Logan wasn't going to disappear, But each time he opened his eyes, he was there, green eyes blazing with a look of adoration which Julian had a hard time believing was for him.

"It's a promise." Logan said and he smiled in delight as Julian grinned at him.

**So get your fill  
>But please believe me<br>That the world's moving backwards  
>The world's moving backwards<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>YYYAAAYYY JOGAN!<strong>


End file.
